32-year-old woman is the only one not invited to stay in an Airbnb with family on vacation: ‘They go to dinners without me all the time, do things that I specifically say I’d like to do, and claim they forgot to invite me’

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Olivia Arocena • Writer and Editor
Jul 14, 2026 1:45 PM EDT

What to do when you are constantly being excluded

Being a scapegoat is not easy, especially if you are one in your family. This Redditor wonders how to soften what she confessed to her family (that she is almost never included), and I think it might be time to stop explaining and explore other groups of people. Dynamics, to continue functioning, have to be fed through both sides; if one stops, the dynamic can't perpetuate itself. Of course, this is much easier said than done, particularly when we're talking about family, but I think the OP is one step away from breaking free from feeling excluded.

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  • woman in bathrobe and sunglasses
    via Toa Heftiba

    The woman at the hotel

    Stock photo for illustrative purposes

  • I (32F) was the only one not invited to stay in an AirBNB with family(5-80 M/F)…and they’re mad at me for that

    There's more to this than what's in the title. Every year my very extended family (ages ranging 3- 80s M/F) has a get together, and we all used to camp, but as people have gotten older, prices
    via One-Economics4152
  • have gone up, while it's still held at a campground, several of the older people (and people with very young children) opt for hotels overnight, and then the campground during the day. So when I say very
    via One-Economics4152
  • extended family I mean everyone from like my grand uncles/aunts all the way down to 2nd cousins (everyone's children and their children's children, etc). There's roughly 40 of us.
    via One-Economics4152
  • This story only pertains to my immediate extended family (my grandparents and below). This year they opted to get an AirBNB that could fit their whole side of the family...which I think is like 15 people (including me). That's
    via One-Economics4152
  • because my grandparents are elderly and could use the help at night, and my one cousin has a brand new baby. I was literally the only one not invited to stay at this AirBNB. I am 100% the black sheep of the family but I am not
    via One-Economics4152
  • "problematic", I don't steal things, do drs, or be inconsiderate of other people sleeping in the same room as me, which would happen at this place. Like, there was room for me...I just flat out wasn't invited and was asked by
    via One-Economics4152
  • one of them what I planned to do for accommodations, and I said I wasn't sure yet while they were discussing this with family right in front of me a few months ago. So anyway...I booked
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  • myself a hotel room (at an incredibly nice hotel)...and while I enjoy the alone time at night after peopling all day, it sucked to have to do that. My adult siblings got to stay at the AirBNB, but not me. But now to the part that they're mad at me for.
    via One-Economics4152
  • When I got to the get together, I was asked if I was camping, and needed. help setting up and I said "oh no I'm staying at (name of hotel) this year, I'm good". And this family member who is from a different branch (so not
    via One-Economics4152
  • part of the AirBNB group) asked why I wasn't staying in said AirBNB with the rest of my family if I wasn't camping. I told them the truth: I was never asked/invited. They were shocked. And basically... word got around and it
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  • a small cabin in the woods
    via Clay Banks

    The airbnb the family rented

    Image is Illustrative

  • made my immediate family look bad. Which was not my intention but what else do I say? Like oh yeah I opted to spend hundreds. my own money for a hotel when I could have split the AirBNB cost for much cheaper just because I
    via One-Economics4152
  • wanted to? They know I'm frugal and wouldn't buy that excuse. Now I'm being accused of starting drama and trying to make my family look bad when all I did was answer a question
    via One-Economics4152
  • honestly. I told them that if they were worried about looking bad due to this, they probably should've thought of that when they chose to leave only me out of the booking. They have since framed it as I never asked-so therefore it's my
    via One-Economics4152
  • fault I didn't stay. And they're right, I didn't. But neither did any of my siblings...my family told them they would be staying there. I was not told, invited, talked to, etc. It was talked about who would be sleeping where
    via One-Economics4152

  • There is a slight chance that what she feels is just that: a feeling, and not a reality. But even if that’s the case, I think staying where she is is not a fruitful option. One is always responsible for trying to find a way to exist mostly (ideally exclusively) in places where one feels included, and where one feels accepted just as one is.

  • right in front of me...and I was never included in that. Anyway, what can I do to smooth this over? Or even prove my point that I'm treated differently? This is not the first time I've been left out of something so
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  • deliberately like this, they go to dinners without me all the time, do things that I specifically say I'd like to do, and claim they forgot to invite me. While I am rough around the edges and speak my mind, I don't think I'm mean to my
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  • a family having dinner
    via Spencer Davis

    The family dinner they forgot to invite her to

    Model image

  • family or anything that warrants this...I'm just different. I have some mental health problems (mild depress on, mild anxiety, ADHD), my interests are a lot different than theirs, I've chosen to not have children while
    via One-Economics4152
  • everyone else does, etc. And before anyone assumes I wasn't invited because of the children and me not wanting any...I love kids, I'm great with them. Lots of my friends have children, I babysit, I play, I show up to all their
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  • extracurriculars...kids are just something I'd prefer to be able to give back to their parents at some point so I can do what I want to do, rather than have that responsibility 24/7 365, so it's not that.
    via One-Economics4152
  • Consistent_Proof_772 a g If I was you, I would've went on a different vacation and would've kept telling them every day. I'm on my way. I'm on my way and never show up and be somewhere on the other side of the country
    via One-Economics4152
  • ohdamnitreddit • 14h ago . I suggest you ignore your branch of the family and focus on the extended family who welcome you and include you. Choose the branch that matters. Seriously they don't value or care enough about you. So choose and make plans with those that do.
    via One-Economics4152

  • I think she did well by explaining herself clearly; the family members who received the message chose to be defensive, but she spoke her truth, and nobody can take that away from her. Now, after that, there’s not much more she can do. Clearly her message didn’t land well, so for now, I’d suggest she stop trying. If someone asks her about what she said, she can always be polite and sincere, but mainly I think she has to walk away from the dynamic entirely. If later, they choose to include her, that’s great; if they don’t, it’s still a win-win because she will be far away with other people who do include her.

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